When it comes to exposing the secrets behind The Apprentice, executive producer Mark Burnett would prefer that they remain "behind the curtain. As the Wizard, it doesn't serve me to talk about the inner workings of production." But as rabid fans of NBC's monster reality hit, it does serve us. So, with the show's two-hour season finale airing tonight, TV Guide Online is firing off 11 things Donald Trump (and Burnett) would never tell you about the nation's guiltiest pleasure.

1. The contestants aren't shipped home after getting fired. Those cabs, which stop mysteriously without ever having been hailed, escort the newly unemployed to a nearby hotel, where they stay until the show's six-week shoot ends. "They sequestered us because we had to keep secret who was still playing the game," explains Kristi Frank. And for those who got the boot early on, that meant having "a free month in New York City on Donald Trump and Mark Burnett," says Bowie Hogg, the fourth pink-slipper. Adds Ereka Vetrini: "We went to dinners, movies, played paint ball..." Dodged Omarosa...

2. The winner may not be the only, er, winner. The final Apprentice standing wins a yearlong gig at the helm of one of Trump's companies and a $250,000 salary. But show boss Burnett hints that he's "working on" giving the runners-up a little somethin'-somethin', too, despite the fact that, as he points out, "They already had their prize — they were on TV for 13 weeks."

3. Those suitcases aren't really full. "We are told to bring — just in case we're fired — a bag of stuff that we will need for an unspecified period of time," reveals Tammy Lee, adding that the rest of their belongings are "retrieved for us by production people. We were not allowed to go back into the suite."

4. They buy their own clothes. Unlike American Idol, which helps get its wannabes ready for their close-ups, The Apprentice did not provide its stars with a wardrobe allowance. "That was all of our own clothes," laments Heidi Bressler. Adds Ereka: "It really wasn't about being pretty. I mean, we tried, but it wasn't easy."

5. Contestants are paid... sort of. Teammates are given some petty cash (roughly $1500) to cover marketing, inventory — and, in rare cases, grub. "You really don't [use the money for food]," Heidi points out. "You better bring something from the loft — like a Power Bar."

6. Contestants can't phone a friend. The aspiring Georges and Carolyns had to have their cell phones on walkie-talkie mode to ensure that they weren't seeking outside counsel. "It was a shame, too," says Ereka, "because I had a lot of connections in New York, but we weren't allowed to use any of them in our tasks." One exception: Players could fall back on contacts they made during the contest.

7. The secretary is not a robot. She's an actual human being named Robin Himmler, and she has served as Trump's executive assistant for the last four years. "She was really nice," says Heidi, "but you could have a booger in your nose and she'd say, 'Mr. Trump is ready to see you'." Fires back Himmler: "It wasn't my job to take care of Heidi's personal hygiene." Oooh, another catfight!

8. That's not a real apartment they're staying in. Like the boardroom, the monster suite that houses the cast is actually a set built specifically for the show from unused space within Trump Tower. In other words, as one Trump insider puts it, "There's no loft like it in the building."

9. The boardroom is closer to the loft than you think. Trump utters a little white one every time he gives his underlings permission to leave the boardroom and head back "upstairs" to their posh suite; both are located on the same floor.

10. You can't sell lemonade everywhere in the Big Apple. Think it was strange that teams Protege and Versacorp didn't set up their lemonade stands in more congested locales? You weren't alone. "As a New Yorker, I got a lot of flak for not selling the lemonade in Times Square or on Wall Street," says Ereka. "But we were not allowed, because we couldn't get permits [in those areas]. There are a lot of rules that are not explained [to viewers.]"

11. Tasks aren't a week apart. "A big misconception is that we had a week off between tasks," says Ereka. "It was barely even a day." — Additional reporting by Rebecca Peterson

This week, the cast of JAG stood at attention for paparazzi lenses at Skybar on the Sunset Strip. That's where they saluted themselves for hitting 200 episodes and wrapping filming on the CBS military drama's ninth season. The scene was David James Elliott & Co. sipping cocktails under the stars, while waitresses in geisha-style getups passed out fortune cookies. This was an homage to JAG's "What If" episode, in which Harm and his pals pictured themselves on life paths not taken. As for Party Boy, the dictates of my destiny were clearly twofold: Scarf down Chinese food and serve up May sweeps dish!

The big question of the night: Will this series live to see Season 10? CBS has made no renewal announcement yet. "I'm like a Zen master," Elliott charmingly shrugged. "I just take every day one day at a time. I'm not gonna commit hubris and just assume."

JAG's commander-in-chief — executive producer Don Bellisario — felt differently. "Yes, there's going to be a 10th season. It's just number-crunch time between Paramount and CBS, that's all. We're confident. We're already doing scripts and moving on."

Anyway, before we worry about next season, how does Season 9 conclude? "Instead of doing one cliffhanger in the last episode, we do about five," Bellisario grinned, then added: "One of the main characters will be leaving the show." Oooh! He wouldn't say who's out of a job, but reassures us it's not Elliott or resident sex symbol Catherine Bell. No surprise there, but still a relief.

Bell, by the way, looked luminous in a tight, white frock — so svelte for a new mom! Girlfriend's a hottie, and she knows it. That's why the actress is writing a book (with her personal trainer) to help your bod bounce back post-pregnancy. Its tentative title is Bikini After Baby. Cheeky, eh? While we're doing baby talk, Party Boy picked up some JAG-related stork news...

Not only will Karri Turner's Lt. Harriet Sims be preggers again — "I'm very fertile on the show," Turner jokes — but Sarah may also be headed for motherhood! And that means finally consummating her long-running sexual tension with Harm. "Five years ago, David and Catherine's characters made a promise that if neither one of them was involved or married in five years, they would have a baby together," Bellisario reminds us. "Five years is up! That is part of the big cliffhanger for them."

Jon Favreau has a hard time getting women to have dinner with him. No, his marriage isn't in trouble. The Elf director merely wants more famous female diners on his IFC chatfest, Dinner for Five (Fridays at 10 pm/ET). While there's seemingly a plethora of men ready to enjoy a free meal and some casual banter, it's harder to persuade Hollywood's lady luminaries to join in the fun.

"We have tried doing an all-women show," Favreau tells TV Guide Online, "but it is incredibly hard to find people and book them. Also, it is a lot easier for a guy to eat on camera and not be afraid of looking like a pig."

No matter who the guests are, their affable host does his best to show everyone a good time. "To me, it is about the relationships with these people," the 37-year-old Favreau says of the series. "I try to make them feel comfortable, and if they say anything they wish they didn't, I let them cut it out. It is all about trust. I find that if you let people feel honored and trusted, they are going to relax more and show a side of [themselves] that [they] normally wouldn't."

Has any juicy gossip ended up on the cutting-room floor? "We have had some ugly moments," he admits. "But more so, we have people who say things that they wish they hadn't. They start ragging on a movie, and then they realize somebody very powerful or important is involved with [it] and they might be up for a part in their next movie.

"It is rarely something that would have made the show anyway," he continues, "but by giving them the freedom of being able to cut that stuff out, they are more relaxed. And stuff that you'd think they'd want to cut out, they don't care about."