"JON BON JOVI smells delicious! So fresh!" That was pretty much the quote, last week when People magazine and Hornitos Tequila hosted a screening of Showtime's documentary "Bon Jovi: When We Were Beautiful."

Jon does smell delicious and he looks delicious. This guy works on his body and takes care of his face. (Even when he is supposed to look gritty and not so hot in Phil Griffin's film, he's still a knockout.) I am a longtime fan.

But perhaps Jon's fresh scent was more noticeable because the Hornitos folks were ladling out lethal tequila concoctions nonstop. At the screening theater, and later at the Tribeca party, the fumes were enough to trigger a contact high. One of the drinks was called a Hornutopia. It was pink and looked quite innocent. It was so not.

The celebs attending -- Ric Ocasek, Paulina Porizkova, John McEnroe, Calvin Klein, Tovah Feldshuh, Rachael Ray, Kelly Bensimon, etc -- stayed sober, as did Showtime's big guy, Matthew Blank and the incredible, indefatigable Peggy Siegal. (Peggy doesn't need booze; she is high on life.)

Still, I won't vouch for many of the more or less just plain folks who were on hand for Jon and his boys. Food might have been served at some point, but I don't think anybody much cared.

What of the film? Well, if you love Bon Jovi or you are interested in what goes on behind the scenes of a grueling concert tour, this is pretty compelling, if not exactly a Madonna-style "Truth or Dare" expose. Shot in obligatory black and white (so we know it's serious) the cameras follow Jon, Richie Sambora, David Bryan and Tico Torres on the band's most recent world tour. What emerges from the film is how very much in control Jon is of his product, the band that bears his name. He says at one point, "I am the CEO of a major corp. who has been running a brand for 25 years." (Twenty-five hugely successful years, despite a paucity of love and respect from critics.)

Even though irritations, exhaustion, emotional issues and power struggles popped up over the decades, Jon remains in control and his band mates accept his iron will. As band mate David Bryan explained, "It would be different if we hadn't been a success. Then maybe we would have had to say, 'What about our ideas?' But we have been successful so it's hard to fight Jon's concept." All the guys have finally come into their own through creating artwork, or music-making apart from the band. But when it's time to be the enduring rock quartet Bon Jovi, Jon knows best.

And, if you want nothing more than 90 minutes of looking at Jon Bon Jovi in tight pants, open shirts, no shirt -- you'll be more than content. Check your TV guide for scheduled showings of "When We Were Beautiful."

P.S. Bon Jovi just announced another world tour. I was hoping Jon would make some movies again. But he'd rather make another $100 million.

I HAVE been hoarding the following little anecdote ever since the funeral of Dominick Dunne in St. Vincent Ferrer Church. It seemed too "cute" to repeat at the time.

The Church at Lexington and 64th has only one public restroom so during the long service people were invariably in a long line to get in and use the unisex facilities.

A snazzy guy I know in the music business was in line with a lot of other males and the line was inching slowly, ever so slowly. As my guy got one person from the door, up to him came, what he described, as "the tallest most fabulously beautiful woman I've ever seen. She directed herself right at me and said, in a pleading voice: 'Please, sir. You've got to let me in line in front of you. I have to get in there or we will have a terrible accident. Please, please, let me crash the line!"

My guy was adamant, "Nope, you've got to go to the back of the line. I know you girls; when you get in there in front of the mirror you'll start primping and it will slow everything down."

The beautiful girl shoved her purse at my guy, saying: "Here, I promise I won't look in the mirror. I won't even take my purse. Please let me in. I just have to get in there."

So, my guy graciously gives in, letting her go ahead of him, holding her purse until she exits a few seconds later. She grabs her purse, saying an exultant, "You see!" and thanks him and rushes back into the church auditorium.

My guy shifts into gear to open the door to the john amid catcalls from the men behind him. "You, dope, don't you know who that was? That was none other than Uma Thurman!"

I LOVED this story -- Uma Thurman being one of my favorite movie stars, a divine creature who is intelligent and civilized and who loved Dominick.

Don't miss her new movie "Motherhood," which is now showing in New York, a city where she lives and enjoys motherhood. She has two beautiful children.

DIG THE names on Bette Midler's "Hulaween 2009" invitation list -- all set to have fun that night when they honor New York's Mayor Mike Bloomberg. The likes of Whoopi Goldberg, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Judy Gold and Michael Kors will do their thing for the Divine Miss Midler. This happens Friday, Oct. 30 at the Waldorf.

You can still call those geniuses at Buckley-Hall, 212-573-6933 and do a good deed in a naughty Halloween world by buying a ticket for this funfest! It's always one of the best big parties in Manhattan and helps the N.Y. Restoration Project make this city more beautiful and livable.

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)