"THE BEST things can't be said. The second best are misunderstood," said Heinrich Zimmer.

JANICE DICKINSON refers to herself as "the world's first supermodel." Oh, pul-leeze! Others disagree, including me, and refer to her differently.

Dickinson, well-known for her fire-starter temper and her cliff-like cheekbones, has just finished filming episodes of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" (Frankly, I think anyone who would admit to and be proud of being "a celebrity" needs his or her head examined.)

This is a show in which the semi-famous are tormented, so it's no more than they deserve. But nothing tormented Janice so much as the worry over her two pooches, left behind in Hollywood while she toiled in Costa Rica.

This speaks well for Janice but here are the details. She had someone install doggie doors at the back of her Bel Air house so her chocolate Lab and her baby bulldog could wander in and out as they wanted. Then Janice worried that the doggie doors might be too big and allow "tiny burglars" to enter her home, so she had the doors scaled down. Now she is worried the pups are growing too fast and may get stuck! (Hey, Janice, get these dogs their own keys.)

During the filming, the beauty was rushed from the Costa Rican set for some kind of medical help but it wasn't serious and she is used to certain miracles of being patched-back-together.

IT WAS at the home of L.A. real estate mogul Gil Garfield that Jerry Brown kicked off his recent campaign to replace Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in the next California election. Heavy-hitting political contributors were there, as well as some Beverly Hills matrons.

Jerry Brown is always thought of as a renegade who chases moonbeams, but he says he still believes he will be the best candidate and his backers say he is simply ahead of his time. Brown says America's real anger over unemployment has yet to be unleashed.

He expects former eBay CEO Meg Whitman "to command the eyeballs of TV and outspend me." Senator Dianne Feinstein could also be in the running.

NOTABLES showed for the first perfect night of summer outdoors in Central Park and the opening of "Twelfth Night," starring three of New York's favorite females -- Anne Hathaway, Audra McDonald and Julie White.

The benefit dinner before -- saluting director Mike Nichols and exec genius Susan Lyne -- drew Nora Ephron, Nick Pileggi, Louise Grunwald, Steve Martin, Sandra Bernhard and her beautiful daughter Cicely, Liz and Felix Rohatyn, Barry Diller, Martin Short, Christine Baranski, Judith Light, Hannah Pakula, Marshall Rose and Candice Bergen with her grown-up daughter Chloe Malle back from Africa, Susan and Donald Newhouse, Ashley Leeds and Chris Harland -- all benefactors who support Shakespeare in the Park.

As for "Twelfth Night" -- it is beautifully executed and Anne Hathaway, who I thought outdid herself in "The Devil Wears Prada" and "Rachel Getting Married," proves she can appealingly do and be anything, even a guy in drag. Along with Amy Adams -- these two constitute our next big superstars!

News of Michael Jackson's death raced through the dinner crowd, but somehow failed to put a damper on the evening. If you can, you must come get in line for free tickets and see Ms. Hathaway do Shakespeare credibly and pretend to be an adorable young man. Walk into the Park at 81st and Central Park West and follow signs to the Delacorte Theater.

ANGELINA JOLIE and Brad Pitt have been said to be splitting up at least once a month since they got together several years ago. The tabloids yell "Now Their Fight Becomes Public!" and cataclysmic stuff of that nature. Inside one magazine, they're shown at a party and the description under pictures of them chatting with guests is used to suggest they seem sexually interested in people other than one another. This is so silly.

Nobody at these publications bothers to note that Brad and Angelina, making a movie now in Washington, D.C., recently gave $1 million to the United Nations refugee agency for Pakistanis fleeing the Taliban.

IN MY sympathetic and adoring retrospective of Michael Jackson, which ran last Monday, I forgot an era when I didn't feel so great about Michael. The Daily News writer Mike Lupica remembered, however, and immortalized me, like this: "Before all the grotesque plastic surgery, before Liz Smith finally -- and famously -- wrote 'who do you suppose gives Michael Jackson the creeps?'

So, I do take the blame, or the credit, for writing that, because Michael did get very creepy indeed after 2001. This doesn't change the fact that he was one of the greatest entertainers of the 20th century.

SO THOSE reality show demi-celebrities, Jon and Kate, are now divorcing. Good. Just so I don't have to take custody of either one of them!

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)